"Somebody said" that I have boundaries

The most amazing of weekends with my girlfriends could only be followed by??? Yep. The worst work day since February 21st. Possibly the worst work day since joining this company 6 years ago. I despise working for and reporting to people that aren't trustworthy. Despise. I have done everything in my power to maintain a positive attitude during the transition to a new manager, tried to live up to every expectation only to have my personality dissected over a lunch that was mislabeled as "discussing my concerns." Let's be clear--the lunch was only a pretense to tell me to agree with everything suggested, not voicing history of procedure or to question "why." Disgusting. I also find it to be disgusting that someone is so without gumption as to use terms such as "other people have said" when trying to back up their own views.

When faced with this or a similar situation in the past, I would have fallen apart--become emotional and not stayed strong. This time I fell apart, became emotional and then stayed strong. I did it. When I questioned this so-called superior what I hadn't completed, the answer was nothing. I then asked her to please NOT use the "other people have said" line. When the majority of her critique centered on another person's upset, I repeatedly asked her to redirect that person to talk to me in the future.

So yeah, I cried. I felt disheartened. BUT I stayed strong and didn't give up on my own points--and I set and maintained firm boundaries. This could possibly backfire, but it'll still be a victory for me.

Delirium

It's important to note that this video was taken after about 20 laps. . ..

30 Days Can Make a Difference

It was exactly a month ago that my work-world went all topsy-turvy and made me question my place. To say it's been an emotional, exhausting week would be an understatement. I committed myself to reserving judgment, keeping an open mind as possible when my new supervisor arrived. It is not my nature to reserve judgment, to be patient for a situation to unfold, but I do see the importance. And it looks like this time, my reserve has worked for me so far. My first impression was NOT positive, but I waited. And finally with encouragement and a heart-to-heart with the owner of the company, I allowed myself to open up--to be the forthright, open, helpful person that is my nature. Turns out that this was all I needed to do--I now feel like my new supervisor and I at least have open lines of communication. While the jury is still out on the ultimate resolution of this situation (perfection has not occurred in the 30 days), I have found honest hope. And that is the most I could ask. It is now not a fib to say that I am hopeful, that I have no reason to NOT trust this stranger in our midst.

Major Accomplishments

My sweet boy can most definitely undress himself. I am very proud of him. I had no idea he could perform these supreme actions. Unfortunately, I discovered this new feat when I entered his room yesterday morning to find him buck naked in his crib, save one foot of his pajamas recklessly hanging from his right foot. After I finished cracking up (bad, I know), he said, "Cold, mommy." I tried to explain that this is what happens when you take all of your clothes off when your pregnant mama has the a/c cranked down. I don't think he got it.

On Anger

I hate going to bed angry. I hate having a positive day (finally) and have it wiped out in the last moments of wakefulness by anger and hurt. I hate it when people can recognize their own stuff and how it affects/effects (?--I know I should research and figure this one out, but I'm too tired and too angry) their relationships. I hate it when I lose my temper. I hate it when it feels so lonely--like no one can relate to my happenings and the feeling by-products, or those that can relate are unreachable at this moment.

Lest you think I am 100% Debbie Downer, please know that I DO feel good about getting Brooklyn's closet organized. And I do feel good about the painter coming to give us an estimate on painting the kids' bedrooms. And I do feel good about a heart-to-heart with the company owner today, and finally being able to reach out to my new supervisor.

There. I'm still angry. But I can deal.

I've made a discovery. . .

about my belly button. It should be in the Guinness Book of World Records for deepest belly buttons. 31 weeks pregnant and I still can't spot an end to that sucker. And maybe* I thought that a belly button was formed by the doctor actually tying the umbilical cord and the tightness of the knot determined innie or outie. In moments like those I have to remind myself that I am a successful professional with a Master's Degree.

*When I say 'maybe' that usually means it actually happened. Just for the record.

Questions, Questions

Today was weird. I know the word weird is ambiguous, but today was just that. Uncomfortable. Full of suspicions.

For anyone who doesn't know me, not trusting my own impressions, not being able to trust that my work makes it's own statement, not being able to trust those around me wears on me. It makes me frustrated. Disgusted. Uncomfortable.

I met my new boss today. To say that I was cautious is an understatement. I want to believe that this person was hired with the same values and traits that have been hallmarks of managers within my company for quite a long time. The events of the past two weeks have left me only with the ability to reserve judgment, to attempt to move forward with an open mind and collect observations and impressions to make an assessment of character at a later date. Very difficult because I like knowns. I like to know what to expect from others. I want to trust that everyone's word is straightforward.

I had hoped, even expected, that this new manager would want to establish a relationship or bond with me, the person Courtney, not just the work persona. Nope. No questions asked. I was expecting at least a question regarding my due date. Nada. This doesn't mean she was unfriendly, just not reaching out. . . So my first observation of this new manager is not all I was hoping for and more. I hope that it was her own discomfort that lead to these actions and not that she has already received impressions from other sources, that she is less than interested in me because she is not expecting our relationship to last.

Ugh. This sucks. All this questioning makes my brain hurt.

Two Truths and 10 Irritations

At some point in pregnancy, typically in the third trimester, I come to realize and accept two truths:
1. I'll never be cold again
and
2. Most everyone irritates me.

My irritation is in direct proportion to:
1. the amount of sleep I get
and
2. the amount of stupidity exhibited by other people.


Current irritations?
1. Supervisor with a habitual sniff. Sniffing approximately 13 times per minute will make anyone insane.
2. Self-absorbed people who have zero idea that they are, indeed, self-absorbed. Here's a basic friendship tip: taking a genuine interest in your friends sustains friendship. When a friend tells you something major in their life, failing to follow-up later on the outcome or their emotional well-being is just sucky.
3. Delayed processing of our tax return.
4. Co-workers who can't remember what the heck they are supposed to do or how to complete a procedure despite being on the job for 7+ months. Stupid.
5. People who cannot stand up for themselves. Seriously--don't let someone else run your life.
6. Husbands who don't hear ANYTHING after they are asleep. This includes his own progeny who wakes at 1 am for no apparent reason.
7. Lack of time to get the basics of life achieved: I'm talking basics like oil changes and car washes.
8. Stupid Rick Perry.
9. People who scream for no new taxes and tax cuts, but then are appalled by education cuts and layoffs. Wake up, dumbasses--taxes are how we pay for our education system. As cost of living increases, guess what? We'll need more tax income.
10. Not having ice cream products in our house, but still having to do chores. I feel like I need a reward for my exertion.

That's How We Roll

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm full of street cred and a totally legit gangsta'. This is clearly evident by my fascination with NPR, lack of rhythm, proper grammar and rule-following ways. The fact that I admitted to my sister that "I don't even know what that Ke$ha girl sings" only reinforces this idea.

Further evidence? Elliott in da hood, riding in my minivan crossover:

For every good deal. . .

I love me a good bargain. It's in my genes, if you doubt this, ask the checker at TJ Maxx if she knows my mom. Chances are, if that store is in the North Texas area, the answer will be yes.

After spending the last half of the week in the beautiful muggy city of Houston, I stopped upon my arrival into town at the Just Between Friends Sale. If you are unfamiliar with this consignment genius, Google it. I hit pay dirt again today--35 outfits, 20 pair of socks and 2 pair of shoes. How much, you are asking? Ta-da! $120. For serious. This totally makes up for my outrageous purchase of $50 flip-flops in a moment of foot pain desperation at my conference. I have rationalized by considering 1) my burgeoning blisters, 2) limited choices of footwear at a speech pathology convention and 3) I haven't purchased a pair of shoes since June. Surely these excuses will be enough when Chris questions the price?