Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Biscuit Holders and Letting Go

I am all about function. Typically, this means any short-cut available to me will be taken (unless it relates to cloth vs. disposable diapers). Today I called that theory into question. I was wearing a cute maxi-dress with Spanx and a strapless bra (definition on to turn a comfy dress into restricted misery). Pretty normal, right?

I went to the bathroom at work, looked down and questioned, not for the first time, why Spanx have a huge gaping hole in the crotch. Is this intended to air out the goods? Or are you supposed to actually pee through the hole? I seriously pondered this and decided to test my theory. I sat down, ready to tinkle right through that little hole. I did. I was going to do it. Was you might ask? I totally chickened out. . . I mean it just didn't seem like a good idea to test the 'pee hole' theory while on a short break from a meeting with my corporate supervisors. I am fairly certain that coming back from the restroom reeking of urine and damp spots on my hiney would ruin any chance of further advancement in the company, right?

My whole life has been a series of vignettes where my timing is off because I just couldn't reign in my impulses and WAIT for the right time to blurt out my observation, question or awkward thought, but this time, this one time I made the right choice. I'm convinced.

(My friend, Deana oft comments,that taking off a pair of Spanx is like "opening a can of biscuits." I get that today. I totally get that.)


Deana said...

An excellent choice.

And I must give credit where it is due. I stole that phrase from my friend, Haley, who I'm pretty sure stole it from someone else. Therefore, since its true lineage cannot be traced, I vote that the phrase stands alone.

But it IS like opening a can o' biscuits. For reals.

Molly said...

Girl, let that pee flow! It totally works - I PROMISE!