Sunday, June 3, 2012

Where do the Bullies Go?

Last night's post on bullying was thanks to a story of a teen suicide I read on Twitter recently.  I realized how I had sequestered my own experience of being bullied to the nether regions of my mind when some of the comments I received indicated the people who know me best had no idea this had ever taken place.

So my question of today is where do all the bullies go as adults?  Most people I know can clearly recount their own experiences of being bullied, but I don't know that I've heard any adult say, "Oh, I was quite the bully, never the victim."  It makes me wonder if perhaps there is more shame in admitting to being the Bully (capitalized on purpose) than being the victim?  It must take a lot of courage to admit to purposefully hurting others.  I think that an adult that can admit their part in hurting others must have done quite a bit of soul-searching.


Cristi said...

I bet many don't realize they ever were. That or they justified i to themselves somehow, that their victim somehow deserved it.

Candy said...

I can vividly remember 4th grade for me. I was one of a number of bullies who picked on 2 kids. I remember in PE we had to do weigh-ins twice a year - and one girl, Denise - who we always made fun of because of her weight. There was also a boy, named Leonard, who for some reason we all thought had cooties and we would run around saying "Circle, circle, dot, dot, now I have my Leonard shot." I still feel very shamed by this and I hope to teach my own children to have compassion for others - I also pray they will never be the victims of such pettiness. 25 years or so later, I still feel guilty - I don't think I was ever really a bully beyond that, but I am still ashamed of it.

Helen said...

In my experience, some continue into adulthood, but the workplace replaces the schoolyard. Or maybe those who bully as adults were the victims as children and are using their new found power as professionals. Either way I have experienced bullying as an adult, and it still hurts. Thanks though Courtney, for sharing your experience do honestly, you're an inspiration.