Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Lost Connections

The social network phenomenon maybe isn't always a good thing. This weekend I saw, through a mutual friend,that one of my dearest friends from my college years got married. Yay! Where the possible negative enters in is because I wasn't invited. I. Wasn't. Invited. I feel hurt, like in third grade when a friend chose not to spend the night with another friend instead of me.

To be fair, I have to admit that I haven't spoken to this friend is about 3 years. What's that you say? I have no reason to be upset if it's been that long since we've actually spoken? You're right. I know it. The thing is, this particular friend has always been a sister of my heart. Someone who has, after minutes, days, or years without speaking, has instant familiarity with the deepest parts of me. For some reason, I thought this feeling of fondness would be returned from afar. And that is where I have to accept complete and utter responsibility for my snub. I mean, how can I wax on poetically about my love for a friend that I haven't taken the time to call, email, write a letter in over three years? Why oh why do I let people that I love slip away? Is it just a matter of human nature or just a sign of my laziness? Does the fact that I let these cherished ones float away mean that our connection was fleeting? That the connection I celebrate and exalt in memory wasn't all that deep in real life? Perhaps. I just know that for now I feel like a schoolgirl when my best friend, a sure thing, was going to pick me for her team--I knew it as soon as our eyes met across the room, only to be shattered as I was relegated to last on the list.

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